PopCentric by Erika Berlin

Chic, C’est la STFU, Countess!

New York Housewife Countess LuAnn de Lesseps continues her assault on the music community with a second irritatingly horrendous “song,” “Chic, C’est la Vie.” Not only does she continue to not sing at all about her fabulous life and “beauty, class and e-le-GANCE” (is it now chic to misspronouce common words?), but she dragged fellow famewhores Jill Zarin and Kelly Bensimon out of Hamptons, put them in bathrobes and forced them to dance awkwardly to this repetitive, trance-like shitfest. And was she contractually obligated by Bravo to namedrop every castmate (including pleather-clad househusband Simon van Kempen, who also put out an awful song of his own recently)? Andy Cohen, I’m holding you responsible for all of this!

Also, the Countess is a beautiful woman. Why is she dolled up like a drag queen doing Teri Hatcher?

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I Wanna Go Ask Britney So Many Questions

What the what is going on in Britney’s new video for “I Wanna Go”? Is it just a parody of the ridiculous things the paparazzi expect/ask of her? How does the response “That is false - it’s quintuplets” even make sense after the question “Is it true you’re pregnant with Brad Pitt’s love child?” Does she really hate puppies? Why is she quoting Half Baked? Is she hinting at something? Why is she dressed like Avril Lavigne? Why is that baby making kissy faces? Why is she flashing children? Why is she wearing a bikini top under a safety-pinned leather jacket? Why is she bringing up Crossroads? Why are the paparazzi turning into androids? Why is Guillermo Diaz pouring milk on himself? Is Britney also an Anchorman fan? Is this a weird stoner movie homage? Why is a knock-off Vincent Price laughing at the end? I-I-I wanna get get get some answers, Britney! Cute highlights, though!

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Lady Gaga’s “The Edge of Glory” Video is Neither on the Edge Nor Particularly Glorious

Lady Gaga debuted her video for “The Edge of Glory” tonight, and it’s a fairly low-fi production, at least by Gaga standards. It’s just her and sax man Clarence Clemons on a clean-scrubbed Brooklyn-esque street that stole its lighting from the set of “Billie Jean.” It feels like there should be unlimited potential for emotional fireworks - starting off slow on an eerily abandoned street filled with fog is promising, but after peppering so many videos with unnecessary Honey Bee dialogue and positing herself as Mother Monster, this simple and subdued take is almost too simple and too subdued. Where is the feeling? Of being on the edge? Of glory?

In many ways, this is among her least ridiculous work (“Just Dance” didn’t approach ridiculous, and neither did “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich.” They’re just scenes from house parties. But I’ll give honors to “Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)” for most normal.) Which is…yay? Everyone has to tone it down at some point, right? Unfortunately, her Cruella de Sexy Gladiator look is a little incongruous with the not-exactly-gritty street scene, and her vapid blank stare while delivering otherwise gut-wrenching proclamations of going to “the edge, the edge, THE EDGE” is a  bit disconcerting. Can’t she at least peer off the edge of one those four-story brownstones and marvel at the city that birthed her? Grinding on fire escapes and hanging off of lamp posts and isn’t quite working the schmaltz factor of the lyrics enough. The song is still a piece of pop perfection, but maybe she could take a lesson or two about singular dancing from a master. “Toned down” doesn’t have to mean “unnervingly dull, without feeling or emotion.”

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This Is Why Robyn and I Should Be Friends

1) This is how I dance when I’m alone. 
2) I definitely owned that sweater - in blue and pink - when I was 16. We’re trend-setters.
3) I think I owned those shoes in blue too.
4) Did I mention this is how I dance? Like, full dance parties, at my place, by myself. “Dancing on My Own,” if you will.
5) Seriously. I just want to be her friend. Is that too much to ask?

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Cee Lo’s Vegas Opulence

Cee Lo Green is basically the antithesis of understated, so this Liberace-inspired video for “I Want You” doesn’t seem that over-the-top. It was probably filmed in his summer home, and all the characters likely just raided his closets for their elaborate costumes. The man rocks bold colors, oversized sunglasses, feathers and 30-carat rings better than the entire Kardashian klan kombined. But while visually stunning, I’m a little miffed that he cut the album version’s beautiful horn riffs and string runs in favor of an amped-up, disco-lite bass line. I’ll get over it, though. It’s still a damn-near perfect song. I’d nominate the line “And I want you/To genuinely and sincerely want me too” for a songwriting award any day. The entirety of The Lady Killer, actually. The whole album deserves to get Cee Lo’s blinged-out video treatment. I’m hoping “Cry Baby” comes next!

Shakira Shakes It Incognito

Shakira Shakira (her name is always said twice, right?) went for the girl-next-door look in her latest video for “Rabiosa.” And while she spends the better part of the song rocking a Rashida Jones bob and playing in bathtubs with kiddie playpit balls and crowd surfing, what’s a Shakira video without some midriff-baring hip-shaking? Not a proper Shakira video, that’s what. Not that she’d let us down. Pole dancing for the win!

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Please, Brit. Just No. No More Live Performances.

Seriously. Femme Fatale is a decent enough album, but what Britney’s people need to be working on is finding new promotion techniques that don’t involve Britney going places or performing, period. Her recent music videos have bombed in terms of what the public expect out of a Britney Spears video, i.e. dancing. (See Hold It Against Me and Till the World Ends; also, the pathetically sad old Brit/new Brit dancing comparison.) 

Basic Facts about Britney:
- We all know she’s not a singer. She’s a dynamo performer.
- She’s not a dynamo performer anymore! 

It’s unfortunate, but the truth hurts. America loves Britney. She was a teen queen who baby-one-more-timed her way into our hearts, and then we watched in horror as her mental and emotional state disintegrated in a spectacular trainwreck edition of Pop Stars Hit Rock Bottom. Everyone is rooting for her to have a definitive comeback, but half-hearted performances like this Jimmy Kimmel Live! debacle aren’t going to win her any accolades. 

I mean, honestly. The lip-synching (which we have come to expect) was off,  and the “dancing” consisted of climbing on speakers and violently pumping her body (sometimes on beat!) to the bass. And the dance sequence at 2:50? The lights drop suddenly so you can’t see our girl, and she lasts 14 seconds before she goes back to sitting and chest pumping. (Also, side note: What’s up with the outfit dichotomy? Britney is ready for an ice skating competition in Vegas and her dancers showed up for a street party circa 1992.)

Hopefully these four minutes aren’t a preview of her summer tour. Nicki Minaj is sure to bring her A-game as the opening act, and Brit’s going to have to work it to keep up! Until then, maybe she should keep the dancing to the studio.

Chris Colfer is Adorable, Astute

I really hope Michele Bachmann saw this interview. Colfer is completely right, and I’m sure she didn’t even register the irony.

I didn’t meet Michele Bachmann, but she got a picture with Darren [Criss, who plays Kurt’s boyfriend], which is a little hypocritical: “I don’t believe in your rights, but can I have a picture with you?”

See New York Magazine’s full interview here.

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Who Run the World? Beyonce.

Yep. She run this mother… The Queen B uses her video for “Run the World (Girls)” to illustrate that all you need to survive the apocalypse (or Saturday’s rapture/doomsday, if you’re into that sorta thing) are killer gams, flowing couture and loads of sick dance moves. Better get crackin’!